Before I got saved, I was a different person. I was a girl that always felt like an ugly human being. As I talked about being a dark skin girl in Give The Dark Skin Girls Some Love, I felt like nobody liked looking at me. I had many days where I wanted to be a light skin girl because I knew for sure that I would be seen as beautiful. I was the girl that contemplated about buying cream to lighten my skin. I was also the girl that built up anger inside of me because I was always teased for being quiet and dark skinned. Over time, I became emotionless, and it seemed as if nothing would bother me. I know I was hurt deep down inside, but the emotion would never show.
In middle school, boys became irritating to me because they would never give me the time of day. It got to the point where I lost confidence in who I was. There were times where I wish I could’ve been well-known in school. I was the girl that would curse, keep up with profane rap music, and gossip about people so that kids would enjoy my company. I remember when I would talk about people and a girl would always tell people what I said about them. I almost got myself in trouble, so I stopped talking about people. Kids would be shocked that I knew about certain rap songs or albums, but I would be able to connect with people my age that way. As you can see, I was this girl that wanted to fit in. I didn’t know I was supposed to be a different 14-year-old because of Jesus.
I made the decision to be saved and baptized in 2010 (I go in depth about how I got saved in this post here). I was filled with the Holy Ghost in 2011, and I still struggled with who I was as a person. I remember I said that I wanted to be in a clique when I got to high school. It never happened, but I had two good friends, and we roamed the high school hallways together during lunch. When lunch would end, I regularly was picked on in the halls by myself. The same kids would pick on me, and I wanted to cry, but I continued to be the solid rock that I already was. I was the girl that wanted people to like me for once. I picked up on cursing again and listened to secular music so I could have people to talk to. I had a couple of dreams where I was in a dark hole, and a dream that I went to Hell and I realized that was God speaking to me to get myself together. In the 10th grade, I started seeing beauty in myself. I stopped caring about people’s opinions and how boys felt about me. I realized that this had to be God because I never found myself beautiful before.
In the middle of my high school years, I began to take God a little serious, and I started reading my Bible, fasting on my own, and I stopped cursing again. I kind of realized that maybe I was meant to be different. When I would slip, my mom and dad would always be on me about sticking closer to God. I was the girl that backslid a lot, took a break from reading my Bible, and went back to listening to secular music again. I didn’t have friends that were on the same track with God, so I was always slipping because I wanted to keep up with them. There were times when I would tell my friends about God so that we would get to know Him together. I got to this point where I wanted to do better than what I was doing for The Lord.
During the end of my senior year in high school, I told myself I’m going to stop chasing after a boyfriend, and I’m going to go to college with Jesus in mind. Because I was known as quiet, I wanted to be open with people when I entered into college. It did not happen that way. My faith grew stronger in God when He got me through a challenging situation with my horrible roommate during my first year. I started to hear God’s voice during my freshman year. I told God I want to be like everyone else and He said to me clearly “You are different. You cannot be like everyone else.” I understood that I couldn’t be like other people who went to parties, drink, and did worldly activities.
Another example that God spoke to me was when I was moving out of my roommate’s room. I was getting ready to move down the hall to a new room, and I was so nervous that I might have another terrible roommate. God spoke to me clearly again “Things will get better,” and my college experience slowly became better after that.
I went from “the insecure girl” to a confident young woman in Christ. Today I am satisfied that God will supply my every need. He will get me through any challenging time that I am having. I love the way that He is changing me to the women he wants me to be. I lost a lot of friends in the process, and my emotionless wall has been broken while I have been in college. I’m so thankful that He saved me from brokenness and insecurities. Jesus is honestly the greatest!
2015-2017 was my year of being broken down, but 2018 has been my year of building up my faith in a God who has been there for me before I was born. I’ve been taking my relationship with God seriously this year by cutting out secular music completely, reading my Bible, watching numerous sermons, and starting my day with Jesus. I’ve learned about consistency this year, and I’m also doing what God called me to do which is blogging about my faith. I couldn’t have done this if I never trusted God’s process.
He has gotten me through so much. I just want you to know that if you’re new to Christ, you’re going to fall back a lot but God is going to be there to pick you up. You want to know why? Because He knows where your ending is and He knows it will be better for you. Please take my testimony and know that God will have you asking “who was that person years before I knew Jesus?” to “Wow I am a changed person since Jesus came into my life.”
I hope that I inspired you to live for Jesus. If you are starting to live for Jesus, continue to seek Him. He will draw near to you when you come to Him (James 4:8). Have a great day, evening, or night!
Prayer: Let my testimony speak to someone who is reading. Allow them to find out what their testimony is and help them to get to know who You are God. Lord let Your people take You seriously. Help them to seek You, Jesus, so that their lives can be transformed. Lord, I love You, and I want to see Your people create their purpose on this Earth. In Jesus name, Amen!
Jeremiah 32:19 NET  You plan great things, and you do mighty deeds. You see everything people do. You reward each of them for the way they live and for the things they do.