Confused With Sexual Orientation

There are so many people in this world that are confused about the gender that they should be attracted to. It’s not their fault because the spirit of homosexuality is lingering on people. The spirit of perversion is inside of people. It’s sad to talk about these things, but it’s true. Children feel like they are gay or lesbians on their own. No no no. It’s not them. It’s the enemy pressuring them to make them feel like it’s okay.

You know, I had this moment in middle school. I felt like I was grasping an attraction to girls. Boys didn’t like me, and they always picked on me. Girls didn’t do that, so I felt like they were nicer. I never had an encounter with a girl because I was too scared to do that. I knew it was wrong to feel this way, but I tried to push past that feeling. There was a moment where I was messaging girls on Facebook. I honestly don’t remember what I would be saying. I know must have been talking inappropriately because they would reply back inappropriately. I remember I was doing this all on my flip phone and nobody knew anything but me (at least I thought).

One day, I was on Facebook and one of my classmates asked me was I gay? I said no, what are you talking about? She said she had talked to one of the females I messaged. As a 12 or 13-year-old girl, I felt so embarrassed. I had got caught doing things I had no business, so I lied and said my page was hacked. In that moment of embarrassment, I deleted all of the girls that I was messaging on Facebook. I went and deleted inappropriate comments. I deleted everything. After I did that feeling embarrassed, I heard God speak to me for the first time, He said: “it’s time to get baptized.” I nodded and went to my mom to tell her I wanted to get baptized. She didn’t understand why I wanted to get baptized or what I was doing. That was my moment of being confused with my sexual orientation. I never looked back after that. I was disgusted because I knew I was supposed to like boys. Don’t worry, as a 22-year-old, I like boys now.

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As I revisited this embarrassing moment in my life, I thought about the children today. The ones that are walking around middle and high school feeling like they are attracted to the same sex. It was the spirit of homosexuality trying to bother me. The devil wanted me to get to the place where I was acting on this sin by being a lesbian. By the grace of God, He allowed me to feel so embarrassed that I turned to Him. The enemy is out to prowl on the young children because they don’t know any better. They don’t know about evil spirits making them feel this way. It’s sad to see children as young as four years old walking around saying that they like the same sex. The devil knows that kids are the future and that they can become great vessels for God, so he interjects into their emotions and feelings.

“I feel like… having sex outside of marriage, being with the same sex is right for me, smoking weed…” All of those wrong feelings can come from the enemy, but it’s our choice to act on them. The devil can’t make us do things, but he could put a feeling in your mind or your dreams. I could’ve ignored God and said, “no I don’t want to get baptized. Boys don’t like me, so I’ll like girls.” But, I decided to give my life to Christ because I knew He could give me a better life. Nobody can stop having urges to do the wrong thing unless they have God in their life. None of us have that power over ourselves.

As a 12 or 13-year-old, I was confused about sexual orientation because boys didn’t like me or hurt me by calling me ugly. I had the mindset of a child, but where did that thinking come from? How did I grasp this feeling of being attracted to girls? All I can say is the devil’s spirit of perversion was lingering over me. I never was messed with or anything. That started from not feeling liked by the opposite sex.

If you’re reading this as a homosexual, feeling confused about who you are gender wise or confused on which sex you should be attracted to, I want you to know that you didn’t start feeling that way on your own. The enemy put an idea in your head and your dreams. He doesn’t want you to reproduce or walk in the calling that God has given you! If I would’ve walked around transforming into a different gender or liking women, then I wouldn’t be at this beautiful place in my life. I wouldn’t be able to dwell on the amazing promises that God has for my life. This was challenging to write because now that I look at that moment, I realized that I was a confused child.

A lot of children or adults right now are confused about their sexual orientation because no one ever told them. Nobody talks about the acts of the enemy upon their lives. They say things such as “it’s just a phase. You’ll get over it.” No, it’s not ‘just a phase’, it can become long term if you do not deal with the matter or you don’t understand what’s going on right now. I knew the feeling was wrong at 12 or 13, but I was going to act on it without understanding that I could put my feelings in check. A lot of children raised in the church background know that’s a wrong feeling, but they continue to act on it because they let the enemy control their feelings.

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God is so powerful you guys!! I’ve seen testimonies where homosexuals turned to God and lost the attraction to the same sex. It can happen to you because God knows He had His hand on me. The devil still tries to bother me and make me feel like I should like women by bothering me in my dreams. I’ve had dreams where I would be in a bed with a woman or doing a bunch of perverted things with a woman. I always wake up and say aloud “No Devil! I don’t like women!” I have to let the devil know I won’t fall into his traps and you can do that too!

Today as a 22-year old, I sit and wait for the man of God that He is preparing for me. I don’t usually look back at that moment, but I felt lead to write about this topic. People don’t talk about how spiritual life is. It’s a war between the good spirits and evil spirits. The Bible says Ephesians 6:12 NLT – “For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” We are wrestling with spirits that we can’t see.

The homosexuality spirit that you may be dealing with is an evil spirit.  If you don’t remember anything else from this post, remember the devil always wants you to do the opposite of God. God wants you to become one when you are married with the opposite sex, but the devil pressures you to feel like you should be with the same sex or marriage to multiple women/men. God wants you to stay pure until marriage, but the enemy wants you to have sex outside of marriage. The devil wants to tie you up with a bunch of men or women in your heart and mind. He also wants you to have babies with different men/women so that you won’t produce a family. God wants you to start a family, reproduce, and keep the generation going in the family. You get my point.

The devil eats up perverted/homosexual acts, fornication, jealousy, greed, and so many things against God.

I’m so glad God told me to get baptized, I got saved, filled with the Holy Ghost, and followed Him. God has changed my mindset. Yeah, I don’t get approached by guys still, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t like me. God is saving me for the best man! Don’t let the enemy hold you in bondage. He wants you to end up with him one day. I never wanted to go to Hell. That was always drilled in my head since I was little. Hell is a horrible place and to be with the devil forever is a never-ending nightmare.

I hope that you are encouraged by this post. I want you to know that you are not the only one that has dealt with this. The enemy tried to come for me in my mind and my dreams making me feel like it’s fine to talk inappropriately to girls or look at girls in an unusual way. No that’s not okay! Pray to God to end those lustful or perverted thoughts about the opposite sex or same sex. God will help you! I promise He will embrace you with open arms as He did with me when I got baptized at 14. I threw those homosexual acts in the water and moved forward with God. Thank You, God!

I love you all for reading and sharing! Read this to your kids and let them know that you’re going to be there for them if they are feeling an attraction to the same sex, feel like fornicating or any other sin that’s against God. No sin is greater than another one, but I focused on homosexual acts because that’s a part of my testimony. I’m praying for you and God loves you always! Come to Him child (that means adults too!)

Prayer: Lord Jesus, thank You for allowing me to share this part of my testimony that I’ve hidden because I was ashamed. I’m asking that You bring Your children close to You through this post! Deliver them from their sinful nature. Help them to be saved and filled with Your Spirit! God, deliver them from the hands of the enemy. Thank you for helping me come to You and live for You today! Let Your unsaved children know that You can do the same for them as You did for me. Lord, for those that are ashamed of parts of their testimony, thank You for allowing them to walk away from their sinful nature or sinful acts. I say a prayer for Your little children that are dealing with confusion in sexual identity, gender identity or homosexuality. Speak to them clearly to come to You Lord Jesus! Let them know that this is not normal or a phase despite what their parents say to them. Lord Jesus, save these babies/little children from sinful acts! Thank You, God, for delivering Your little children in advance! You are so good! Let the people that don’t know you, reading this post know how great You are! In Jesus name, we love You, Amen!

1 Corinthians 13:11 CSB – “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put aside childish things.”

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