SWS #1 Why Am I Single?

Hey lovely ladies, welcome to the first post of the Single Women Series! God has put it on my heart to share all of the things that I have learned so far as a single woman. It can be a tough season, but it can also be an enjoyable season to learn more about God and the woman you are becoming. I hope that this series will touch your hearts and allow you to focus on God instead of the specific man that you desire. 

There’s many women or girls around the world asking themselves a question daily. The question is “Why am I single?” I would ask myself that all the time when I was in high school. I wondered how girls gained a boyfriend. What did they have to do? In my high school years, I spent time trying to pursue instead of being pursued. During my rising freshman year of college, I settled for I’m just meant to be single. I don’t think I’m ever going to be in a relationship. I learned from God that wasn’t true at all. He has someone for me. Now that I am growing in Christ, I’m understanding the answer to the infamous question “why am I single?” and I want to share some answers with you today. I hope that the single ladies can relate to this.

1. God has to work on me first. I have to be pruned into the woman that God wants me to be. At 12 years old, I dealt with a lot of insecurities about my complexion and facial features such as my lips and my teeth. I couldn’t see myself with someone, being insecure about myself, and figuring out if he really finds me attractive or not. As a young woman, I think that I would feel miserable to always reassure a man that I like him because of his insecurities. Today as a 22 year old, I feel so much better about my appearance and the way that I am being shaped into a woman of God. My insecurities have withered away. Of course as a human, it comes back, but I don’t feel low about myself that I can’t look at myself in the mirror. God has to work on my patience, gentleness, love for people, and many more aspects in my life. I can honestly respect the work in progress before meeting my future husband.

2. I know my worth. I don’t want to be with anybody just because everybody else has a boyfriend. I’m not about to lower my self-worth because I want to play house with a guy. I don’t have time for that. I know that I want someone who loves God more than me, who is respectful, and someone who is praying for and with me. I don’t want to settle for a handsome cheater. I don’t want to be with a guy who only cares about sex. I want a relationship where we can grow together and we can challenge each other to be the best version of ourselves. If I’m not seeing that, then I’ll wait. I’ve observed that messy relationships doesn’t get anyone far. I’ve been single for too long to settle now.


3. God is hiding me. I wondered for years why am I not being looked at? Am I ugly? What’s wrong with me? How were girls dating in the snap of the finger? I learned from Christian resources that I am being hidden. God is simply saving me for the best. He’s keeping me pure and spotless until I join with the guy that is for me. I mean, what’s the point of dating guys and they are breaking my heart repeatedly? I shouldn’t have to deal with trust issues, heartbreaks, and become attached to a guy that’s not for me. I embraced being hidden after realizing this. During this hidden season, I can build my relationship in God without being distracted by most likely an ungodly man.

4. I can build my relationship in God. Since I’ve been in college, I’ve gotten to experience amazing moments with God that I could have never noticed if I was dating. I’ve learned how to make my relationship with God a top priority. All the moments of worshipping, praying, and praising God has been building my faith in Him. In 2019, I have been so in awe of Jesus because of the way He treats me, the way He loves me, and how He laid His life down for me so that I could be free. I get to know who He is on a deeper level. When I do become married, I will go to God about my husband’s issues. I will go to God about the issues that are in our marriage and most importantly not make my husband a god! God is the foundation for all relationships and especially for marriage. He is the Creator of marriage.

5. I am discovering the call on my life. I am not just a daughter, sister, friend, niece, granddaughter, or a cousin. There’s more to my life than helping or loving each other. I am called to blog to women, express my faith for Jesus, and tell the good news of His Word. It’s probably bigger than that, but I’m still unraveling the call. I am busy learning to tend to my Father’s business. God has not called me to only marriage one day but to serve people and glorify His name through my purpose.

6. I have to get myself together. If my finances, fitness, and independency is not together, how am I supposed to be a wife? I still have things to work on in my life. I am out of college and back into my mom’s house (unless the Lord tells me to move or something). I can’t even care for myself fully on my own, so I have to get it together before being with someone. It’s okay to get your exterior together and learn about yourself before dating.

7. I had no distractions in college. What does that have to do with anything? There’s plenty of college students with boyfriends. God knows me and I know myself as well. If I was in a relationship, my grades would not be that great. I would probably become distracted because I would be into him more than other things. I’m certain that is a reason that I am single in God’s eyes.


8. I get attached easily. I honestly can say that every guy I tried to befriend, I have become attached to them. I was wondering why I am like this, but it will be beneficial when I’m married. See, when I meet my future husband someday, I will be attached to him because I have never been in a relationship. I know that guys like knowing that their woman loves them and enjoys being around them. He wouldn’t have to question it because I would love on him. I just feel as if God is just allowing me to be hidden until we meet, so I won’t be attached easily to the wrong guy.

9. I have work to do for God’s Kingdom. I have no time to play games, sit here and wait for a godly man to fall in my lap (that doesn’t happen like that anyway). I have to tend to my blog for God’s kingdom. Aren’t you growing in Christ from this blog? Don’t you feel spiritually fed? I know that God wants to elevate the blog into something more, so I have to seek Him and continue cultivating for what is to be birthed out of this blog.

10. I’m learning how to be content. I will not be able to be content in marriage if I’m not content with being single. I will always be looking forward to the next thing. For example, I won’t be content with being married because I’ll be looking forward to having children next. Learning contentment now is the best thing to learn, so I can always be happy with my life no matter what happens. I thank God for showing me what contentment is like this year. I pray that I enjoy the ride of God’s plan for my life.

I encourage you to sit down and understand why you are actually single. It’s not because your complexion or the way you look. It’s not about appearance at all. It’s all about where your heart, mind, and soul is right now. God doesn’t look at your outward appearance, but He looks at your inward appearance. If you are idolizing marriage and relationships or insecure about who you are in Christ, God doesn’t want to send someone your way like that. Let the Holy Spirit reveal to you why you are single. I hope that this blog post encouraged you in a way. Have an awesome week lovely people!

COMMENT BELOW ON WHAT YOU TOOK NOTE OF FROM THIS POST! Let’s have a conversation in the comments!

Prayer: Lord thank You for showing us some ways of why we are single. It’s not about what we look like, but it’s about being prepared for a mate, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Lord Jesus, help us to choose You as our first love every day! Help us to be consumed in Your Presence. Give us the fire to read Your Word. We want to make You proud Father God! In Jesus name, push us to be the Women of God that You called us to be! Thank You for pouring Your love into us! In Jesus name, we pray Amen!

James 1: 2-3 NKJV – [2] My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, [3] knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

Looking for more encouragement? Follow me on Instagram @funsizedchelle. DM me and say hello! Can’t wait to see you there!




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      Hey Lakora, I’m so glad that this blog post blessed you! I’m so happy that God spoke to you through this! I hope that you stay tuned for this series!

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